A Fall Back Into the Depression
Everytime I have a deep and profound realization I fall into a deep depression. The old habits come back but this time around they are very very very different. They fall apart at the seams. I peel back another layer to life and find myself in the life which is simultaneously genius and stupid, depending on perspective.
So now my brain is fucking numb as shit and all I want to do is sit at home and eat chicken nuggets all day. And I realize that by avoiding classes or skipping a session I am doing nobody a disservice but myself. But that truly is myself in all of this? I am a nothing and everything simultaneously. So where does that leave the ground I stand on?
Why is it that when I find out the secrets to life I am insanely depressed. The realities of life wash over me and I am left just with a pain in my heart and sorrow in my soul. I can do anything that I want to. I can achieve anything to any extent, and produce the emotions which are internal and felt from within, however they are created without. It is only the incorporation of the emotions within the situation which I chose to create within my minds eye which allows me access to higher realms and transformative properties within everything.
all of reality within itself is only a mental creation, you know? The joy we feel seems to be the joy of the situation, however our mind is what chooses to interpret the situation and bring out the qualities which we desire. Each situation is anything which we desire to draw from within it.
My role now is to enter a dormant meditation for the next little while. A dormant progressive climb until I come to some sort of conclusive platform from which to act and move throughout the world. There is no requirement for me to understand the nature of the universe. Only to live my life and do my work everyday.
Be a good worker bee. Buzz. Buzz.
Give in to what I have feared for the past few years, and see where it leads me. Lets become the weaker.
Act to Thrive, even if it means not using aspirations for fuel.