A Poem on Rhetorical Questions

“Do I want to live in a haze for the rest of my life?”

I ask myself this question as I sit on my bed, coming off a month of drinking alone. Life became a haze after I quit.

I decided to look at the question realistically. Instead of simply writing it off with the usual response. “Of course I don’t want to, that would be crazy right?”. 
This time I’ll take it seriously, you know; write up a list of pros and cons and shit.

Living in a haze allows me to be numb to the world, to be mediocre and not suffer because of it, it allows me to live while depriving the world of my full potential and it allows me to be okay with it. What if I’m not meant to give the world my full potential?
I mean, I am here, so I might as well enjoy life to the max right?
But how am I to enjoy this life to the max if I have yet to experience so much? I haven’t had my own children, I haven’t hunted, I haven’t helped the people of the rainforest, I have yet to date the perfect 10, etc.
But in truth, I can never experience everything… That would be impossible because I am a finite being in an infinite universe. 

In reality, I have to make the conscious decision to live life to the fullest and experience whatever the universe has in store for me. To not leave anything on the table when it is my turn to kick the bucket. But I need to make this decision: Do I want to live in a haze? I don’t know… Do I want to be homeless? I don’t know, I might actually enjoy it… Am I okay with mediocrity? Maybe… maybe I will be okay without a massive house and 20 cars. Maybe I will be happy with an average looking wife and a few dogs. But what about the way ads make a good life seem?

Do you want to know the happiest moment in my recent life? I was at the grocery store buying eggplants and the old gentleman next to me stocking the shelves was singing! I began to sing as I left the store. If someone can be happy stocking the shelves at a grocery store, what excuse do I have? Choosing happiness is easy.

For right now, my next step is determining if I want to live life in a haze… If I can stomach leaving my family and friends behind to live homelessly and constantly intoxicated I would have done it already. So I don’t want to do that. So what are my next steps?

Being smart hurts, because you begin to realize what your mind is capable of and it scares you. I can survive on almost nothing, yet I have a desire to achieve everything. What do I want to do?

Sincerely Yours,

Jackson King

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